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After
about a week I received a telephone call from my receptionist "What do I do,
no-one has turned up as promised, every-body is after you" I said told the
girl something like ring my accountant and said goodbye. The accompanying
nurse said I went ballistic so I got more drugs and sent to the 1st, and only,
anger management class where I volunteered to talk about my anger first as I
was now getting increasingly agitated, (I certainly remember those feelings) worrying
about the practice.
I kept being interrupted by one patient as I spoke so I told her to “shut the
f*** up" and let me finish”. The Counsellor then threw me out of the class FOR
BEING TOO ANGRY. Strangely enough my anger before June was aimed at the CSA
and the bald tw*t that took my place in my marriage.
BUT now it was increasing daily with frustration. So I became a bit of a cult hero for a
day or so with the other inmates…..but no more anger management classes for
me. I tried to escape once and got caught very quickly in a field !
So we formed "The Cuckoo's
Nest" I was the big Indian, as it was my idea, where we talked about our
problems to each other in pairs. Me, D the coke addict and P the millionaire's
son who was a Disc jockey and the women. C who had been run over in a car park
on Xmas eve and woke with a broken back and her boyfriend's head on her chest.
His body was 10yards away, however. H, a doctor that kept trying to commit
suicide and a beautiful looking Nat West bank manager that only had "post
natal depression" ONLY wow was she crazy.... And a self harmer that D
allegedly (!)"visited in the night ". Then there were the foodies, the eating disorder girls,
that
also joined in. It was so sad meeting them. Half WERE strange but the rest
were just poor sad little girls with some screwy ideas about themselves. and
how they looked. I was ORDERED to meet them and apologise after I got caught,
one day, telling Jo Brand's joke: "I think I am anorexic 'cos when anorexics look in
the mirror they think they are fat.....and so do I" .
I was woken up one afternoon to go to a relaxation class where oddly
enough I soon fell asleep again. I was rudely awoken and told to relax. So I
angrily pointed out that I had been asleep prior to being made to join in and
IMHO sleep was probably the best form of relaxation. I was immediately sent to
the top psychiatrist who pulled me to pieces and told to make an effort to fit
in more. It was like being back in Malvern my public school from 1962 to 1967. I again repeatedly asked about
my Practice and was told all was being done. I did mention many times that I
WANTED TO KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON but they kept saying all was OK. So not much
help there except for more medication.
I planted seeds and successfully
managed to kill them all by over watering them. D, the coke addict and I made
pipes, we called them bongs!, in the Pottery classes and we both got a
“rollicking” as we should have made a plate or something. We also made "voodoo
dolls" which we had to break up whilst apologising. I played table tennis and
pool until I could stand it no more. I gave “concerts” on my 12 string
(always
went away with "the 'old bird" a 1973 Ibanez Hummingbird 12 string jumbo
guitar I bought from Ivor Mairant in 1973) to the some patients.
I watched every bloody game of
the 1998 World Cup. The first and last time I will EVER done that. There
was nothing else to do. I went for supervised walks to the park and fed the
ducks. I saw that doctor, H, being slowly destroyed by E.C.T, after she tried
to jump onto the M32 motorway one night. I smoked like idiot which
angered me as I had ALMOST given up prior to being “sectioned” I kept asking
about my practice and was told all was OK . My sister visited me once for a
VERY short while but my son was forbidden contact with me by my dearest
ex-wife. I was forbidden contact with the outside world, in case I rang the practice
.What the hell was going on?
Some
friends came to visit and took me for lunch to a nearby Tesco and told me
my practice was closed. GREAT more worry. They tried to find out more for the
second visit but the Health Authority, apparently, would not give details to
them.
So now A MAJOR worry had arisen and STILL I was not told of developments,
despite me asking-and-asking-and-asking..... I was becoming VERY SCARED.
Also see the letter dated
29th June 1999 from the Consultant Psychiatrist that shows
that even she did not know I was retired on my admission.
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